I Feel Like Giving Up

Since I was young, I knew I have a very big responsibility on my shoulders being the eldest daughter of the family. I did everything I possibly could to please my family, especially my parents. I maintained good grades when I was still a student, I avoided getting into a romantic relationships because they think it's a distraction. When I graduated, I immediately started working to support and provide for my family. I was and still am happy providing for their needs. I feel very happy knowing they get what they need and what they want.

Photo grabbed from tinybuddha.com

Whenever I see the smile on their faces, I feel great. Their smiles inspire me to do more. Those smiles takes all my worries away.

But while I was too busy providing for them and giving them the best, I forgot to look after myself. I forgot that I also have my own needs, I also have my own wants. 

Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining. I am just... tired. 

I am not blaming anyone but, it would be nice if someday, one of my family members will be able to help me out. Maybe we could split the responsibility into half? I don't know, I can only hope. But I don't want to force anyone to carry half the weight of my responsibility.

You know what? I found strength in my weakness. I can't even explain it. I am not scared anymore whenever a new problem arise. Before, I always panic whenever there is a problem (old or new). 

If I will be given the chance to go back in time and change things, I'd never change a thing. If not for the struggles I've been through, I wouldn't be who I am today -- a strong woman. Despite everything, I am very thankful. I am thankful that I was given the gift of knowledge, the strength and will to carry on with life.